FUNNY! CREATIVE! A REFRESHINGLY NEW PROJECT FOR A BOOK!

Books on a Whim

Target audience is academics. It is humorous writing. Funny short stories in a college setting. Book series will be called Grade A Papers, and is published by Books on a Whim.

Hello designers,

I need a full page (8 x 10, portrait) graphic for my book. This is not a book cover. It is a title page inside the book that precedes a series of humorous essays.
It needs to be high resolution for print. Also in color.

The graphic has a title in the center. The title is:

Composition Theorist Parodies

The graphic should have four images of figures (people) in it. You do not see their facial features. Their facial features are shadowed.

****See attached document titled “layout mockup.” Please look at the “layout mockup” before reading instructions below; it will make the instructions below seem less complicated.****

FIGURE ONE (Upper left-hand corner)
Figure 1 is male, Caucasian, sitting at a desk, leaning forward a bit, typing on a typewriter, a piece of paper in the typewriter. (Clothing – academic looking, not business suit or t-shirts. He is a writer and professor.)
There is a “voice bubble” coming from his mouth and there is a “thought bubble” coming from his head.

Voice bubble: “Juvenescent novices of institutionally-steered eruditional plateaus achieve an elevated stratum of compositional proclivity upon nutrimental assimilation and imbibing of scriberic utensils subjoined with effacement mechanisms of rubber.”

Thought bubble: “Students who chew and swallow their erasers write better.”

Under the image of Figure 1 is the name Peter Ankle

FIGURE TWO (Upper right-hand corner)
Figure 2 is male, Caucasian, standing at a podium/lectern teaching. His arms should be stretched out like he’s teaching a class. (Clothing – academic looking, not business suit or t-shirts. He is a writer and professor.) There is a “voice bubble” coming from his mouth and there is a “thought bubble” coming from his head.

Voice bubble: “Paradoxically writific techniques regretfully all too oft unenforced by the gatekeepers of collegiate facilities seldom produce materials of written verse with gesticular soundness as applied by masterful educators apropos of impeccable rhetoric and theoretical quagmires.”

Thought bubble: “Hopefully nobody notices this doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense.”

Under the image of Figure 2 is the name David Barfholomae

FIGURE THREE (Lower left-hand corner)
Figure 3 is female, Caucasian, sitting Indian style (crossed legs) and arms look like she’s meditating. She has dread locks.

Voice bubble:
Imagine, writing novices, you are inhaling the spirits of your noisy neighbors. And I don’t mean “spirits” as in “a little of the ole hair of the dog that bit you.” {I know, of course, you would never DREAM of sipping hootch! What’s that? Don’t worry, I won’t tell ;)} Now, blow their hot air out an open window. (You can close it if it’s nippy!) Next, picture a puddle of puppies popping and plopping out of your mouth—bounding through the hot air, prancing on your blank page. See what written wonders they will create! You can even keep the puppies! (But you may want to keep the biters on a leash…at least, until one of your grumpy doo doo neighbors is in the front lawn.)

Thought bubble: Annie, you silly girl, you!

Under the image of Figure 3 is the name Anne Lamott Applesauce

FIGURE 4 (Lower right-hand corner)
Figure 4 is a man, Caucasian, sitting at a desk, but leaning back in his chair. Arms behind his head, and his legs are up on his desk. (Clothing – academic looking, not business suit or t-shirts. He is a writer and professor.)

Voice bubble: “The mass of pedagogues lecture by way of preaching in vapid breath and dry tongue. Their stale kernels of knowledge are nothing more than nugatory. I, in a theoretical fashion, am a philosopher with a doctorate, literal in hand and attention-grabbing by command.”

Thought bubble: “I teach good.”

Under the image of Figure 4 is the name Richard Fukerson

No stick figures please.
Figures should look realistic, not like goofy cartoons.
Again, faces are shadowed.